Mine, yours?

Thoughts are mindless and consuming. Thoughts can lead to decisions being made, regrets, failures and ultimately, success. I wish all my thoughts could be put to paper. because sometimes you need reminders of the person you are and what has made you become who you are. I believe failure is never an option when it comes to your thoughts. that there is no right and wrong. There arent any spelling errors and punctuation is practically non existant. you dont even need to take a breath to think. I like that it's a big bubble that just constantly gets bigger and bigger and sometimes bursts, but ultimately is never ending. constant.

I was reminded today that some of those thoughts need to be heard. whether they are understood by the intended or not.

1) You will never, ever know how sorry i am.

2) I believe too strongly sometimes

3) You will always be the villain to me.

4) You are too good to me.

5) I am too good for you.

6) I miss her so much i still talk to her

7) I pretend

8) If i try hard enough, it might make me feel as good as you one day.

9) I believe God is taking a shower when it rains

10) Christmas brings hope, that's my new year.

11) Vegetables should make people fat, cupcakes should make kids go to sleep.

12) Life really is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

13) You will always let people down

14) I fail when it's important

15) I wish you love.

Mine, yours?

I need my inhaler STAT

Looking through all these blogs on the world wide web, i'm so inspired to create beautiful things. and take amazing photos. my camera is dusty from months of non-use. im thinking i should take it out for a hurrah sometime soon.

I need a new lens so badly.

It's raining so heavily here at work and my heart is really too weak to handle all this thunder and lightning, especially when i have to work outdoors :/

nuts.

I have official date number 2 with the mister after work. egg-cited.

He's my new favourite thing

We spent our day here.

Hammock style. it was lovely!

He made a container of cookies. 70 cookies. extra yummy cookies.

i made him a little bitty container of egg mayo. he liked it nomnom style.

he licked the container.

I have not made a dent in mine yet.

i think i might need to make 70 eggs to make him full.

(:

Me me

A. Age: I'll be 22 on the 18th of Dec (:
B. Bed size: Queen, 3 huge mattresses stacked high. I wanted my princess bed.
C. Chore that you hate: sweeping? yes, i hate sweeping.
D. Dogs: I want a pug. or a teacup puppy.
E. Essential start to your day: Coffee!
F. Favorite color: Green. Navy Green.
G. Gold or Silver: Silver. definitely.
H. Height: I really dont know. Im not short though.
I. Instruments you play: Guitar.. and i can pretend to play the piano real well.
J. Job title: Administrator. I am actually a lion tamer here.
K. Kids: I want 2.
L. Live: Serangoon Gardens, Singapore (:
M. Mother’s name: Valma, officially. Anyone who's ever met her calls her Pom.
N. Nicknames: Tessa, Tess, T, Paran...
O. Overnight hospital stays: Many.
P. Pet peeves: Bad pronunciation. Un-straight lines. Tags sticking out of clothes. eugh.
Q. Quote from a movie: "This Too Shall Pass"
R. Right or left handed: Right handed
S. Siblings: A younger sister that i always mistake for still being 12... and 2 older brothers. we are ...too close.
T. Tattoos: Just a few.....
U. Underwear: huh?
V. Vegetable you hate: brussel sprouts. ueghhhhhh
W. What makes you run late: Clothing picking will be the death of me.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: too many. all over. im sickly!
Y. Yummy food that you make: Last week i made a Spicy Sesame Chicken Penne Pasta. It was too spicy for my sister, but he finished the entire pot (:
Z. Zoo animal: The lions! I can stand there and watch them for a good hour.
.

Maybe

Maybe it's been raining for at least 3 hours every day

and absolutely stifling hot the rest of the day.

Maybe my hair has been going abit nuts because of this game the weather is playing with Singapore.

Maybe I have to sit outside to work today, and maybe i really like it (:

Maybe I've had the best weekend, ever.

Maybe i'm enjoying a hot tea and the breeze is lovely cause it's gonna rain

Maybe i'm allowing myself to move on?

Maybe someone is stealing my heart..

Maybe!

Dear future you,

I know we havent begun our journey yet, I know there's more to come.

I pray we find the strength, to make it through a bad day. or seven..

I hope you have the patience to tend to my whining. and bitching about the things i cannot change.

I know you are patient and kind, or else we would not have made it here.

I know you treat me right and you are always there.

I know you make me want to be a better person. I know you already have.

I hope you always stay this way.

I need you to understand that i do not always know the right things to say,

or even the right way to act sometimes.

I need you to tell me when i'm crossing a line.

I need you to explain when something upsets you,

because you respect me enough to do so.

I pray you never let it fester, cause a year will go by and

you'll find yourself...unable to try anymore.

I have had people come and go. They didn't know how to act. or to apologize.

The weight dragging two people down. was too heavy to carry .

I think we will know how to handle situations, or situations will handle us.

I think we need to understand that it is not weak to put someone else before yourself

It does not mean you do not respect yourself.

It is love, and love is selfless like that.

Thank you for allowing me time to clear my head.

Thank you for your bravery and courage

To step into an unfamiliar world, mine.

I know our future isn't carved out in stone, but i must confess

I cant wait for our life to begin.

Penny For Your Thoughts

I told everyone the story before
Of the way he shut, closed the door.
Of the past and all the things we'd seen.
Of all the places we had ever been.

My heart was tied long ago.
To a man i knew, would never know.
You feel it though.

I failed to cut the strings he tied
too tight to breathe, too boxed in.
It was by chance i met another one
willing to carry those strings for me
willing to cut me from my noose.
Now i allow myself to see.

i'm turning the tables, on my feeble attempts at love
I allow you in, walk yourself in, close the door.
Your heart whispered gently, but i screamed out a no.
I'm sorry, yours will be the last i ever intend to keep.
come in i'm only turning these tables, you see.

I intend on setting fire
to this long forgotten bridge
i intend to throw the weight
of the world on top of it
i need to hold your reason,
i need to cradle your thoughts.
i need another excuse
for letting all of this out

Drown me up, beam me out
We are all sinking, and the fastest way down is not.

(:

Happylist

It's Thursday again!

I like how these past couple of weeks, work hasnt been such a chore to think about. My days are still long and tiring mostly, but i used to look forward to the weekends so much more! not to say i dont do that still, i just dont count the minutes down like i used to. Which is awesome!

I've been reading Happylists and it's been awhile since i made one of my own, so im going to!

10 things making me incredibly happy this week

1. I finally colored my hair again. It is awesomely red.

2. I realized this week that i dont even feel the urge to bite my nails anymore! (lifelong bad habit mostly-kicked!)

3. The feeling you get when you help 3 strangers, in one day of rain. (Thank you, handy dandy umbrelly!)

4. The mini tummy-attack i got when someone fascinating did something amazingly sweet for me. (2 things, actually)

5. Not letting work stress me out completely.

6. New friends, old friends, family.

7. Last night my mum dyed my hair. I'm 22 and she still takes care of me and i love her very much.

8. Exercise has become pretty routine for me now, it makes me happy that my body has finally gotten used to it!

9. The ice cold latte i get to drink every morning when i reach work. perfect start to the day. always.

10. The sound my iphone is making, roughly every 3 minutes, a couple of hours a day (:

Birthday

It was this awesome guys birthday this past weekend. We celebrated twice.

You are strong and weak at the same time. and that's why everyone adores you.

Happy birthday, love. Thank you for allowing me to grow up with you.

MY BROTHER IS A ROCKSTAR

I dont remember a time growing up when my brother wasn't playing soccer.

Either at school, with his neighborhood friends, cousins, or by himself.

He is the best soccer player i know. Always has been.

He's been playing as a Singapore National player for a few months.

He hasn't found the back of the net, for a few months.

The longest drought i've seen, coming from him.

Until last night!

My big brother is officially a National goal-scorer now.

His friends, the family and basically everyone who's known him for all these years, the ones who know that this has been his dream since he was a kid, the ones who know how special and important this is.

We are all so proud.

Lightning Doesnt Strike The Same Place Twice

There are only so many times you can try the same thing.

The Most Truth You Can Get Out Of Love

I have felt so many kinds of loneliness in the past year.
The kind that make you tear up cause you realize you spend
too much time wondering how someone thinks about you, when
that person really doesn't care a damn the same as you.
I've felt the kind of loneliness where you're sitting at a table with
a huge group of people, and still feel like the only person there.
I've felt the kind that makes you curl up in a ball in bed, weeping
at the thought of being alone.
Like you want him back, only because he was there. And now in
his place is no one, nothing.
I've felt the kind that makes your insides hurt and your heart ache.
It's supposed to go away with time.

But it doesn't get better. Some days it's less than before
Some days you'll find a song that'll make you forget about it
for awhile. It makes you smile and fills you up from the inside out.
Some days you wish you could hold onto those days.
Cause there'll be days where you feel the opposite.
Days your heart just can't fit your body.
And your mind asks questions you can't bear to answer..

It's such a whirlwind of emotions, Being alone..
It makes you so happy and then kicks you. so hard.

Sometimes im so ready for life to begin.
Marriage. Kids. Career.
Sometimes even imagining it gives me chills.

I'm starting to wonder if maybe the most fundamentally real
reason anyone settles down.. Is to curb those earthquake emotions.
Maybe we just don't want to be alone?
We don't want to feel like this, we don't want to worry about
Running out of time. Or love.

Maybe the most truth you can get out of love, is the fact that it doesn't last..

I'd rather go, while you're still insistent on laziness.

Have you ever reached a point where you realize that everything you knew about the steps it took to fall for someone, have changed completely? I mean, where was i when it became so..different.

When did it become solely about sex?

At which point did men decide that chivalry made no sense anymore?

When did it get so complicated that everyone felt the need to swear off telling the truth, getting to know someone and being themselves, to get the one they were after.

When did divorce rates start skyrocketing like this?

Why is it so hard to stay faithful?

If you werent ready to put a ban on other women/men forever after that day, why did you bother trying?

It's natural progression to allow for arguments, for disagreements.. throwdown fights.

When did it become okay for anyone to believe that because you avoided these fights, you were making things better?

Do you honestly believe that by pretending to be okay with things you're not, you're squashing the issues?

Sacrifices are definitely needed to ensure harmony at home, but if the things you're sacrificing are ultimately the reasons you're gonna run into the arms of someone else, do you truly believe you've fixed anything at all?

I hate hearing people say they wanna find someone that'll "accept me the way i am"

IF YOU ARE A GRUMPY DOG THAT TREATS ME LIKE SHIT, I WILL NOT "ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE"

no bro, nobody will.

and very honestly, with that attitude? you dont deserve it either.

Wake up, you want respect, RESPECT HER.

Ask her out on a date, take her out for dinner. Some place nice. Hold out her chair, tell her she looks beautiful.

Order water, not beer. Listen to her, stop rambling on like you're the only one with a life at the table. Ask her about herself and stop trying to impress her, cause she doesnt need it. She's already out with you.

There's a fine line between the words impressed and just plain turned-off.

If you need an ego boost, go tell your friends. They won't dump you for being a pig.

You know very well when a girl is interested in you. Or interested in something further than a first date.

If you want a second one, show it. She's not gonna take you seriously unless you do too.

Bring her for a walk and hold her hand.

Send her home and walk her to the door.

You will never go wrong, why?

CAUSE NO GUYS DO THIS ANYMORE.

They've all gotten complacent and lazy. Girls have gotten accustomed to this laziness too.

That's why they sleep with you. on the first date.

worse still, the first time you meet. at a club.