Life!

I havent been updating this thing cause i've truly been pretty overwhelmed at work lately. I barely get free time and when i do, i have to do my do-in-free-time work. It's absolutely exhausting and i love it.

I remember when i imagined having days like these.. weeks that basically flew by without stopping to say hello. Its surreal that i imagined all these things happening to..grown ups. I'm not a grown up yet! I still get pimples and i still get drunk on weeknights (sometimes)! I'm not ready to grow up yet! These days people are starting to work earlier and earlier and it's so disheartening to know that we're all told to enjoy our lives..until you're about 15. Then you gotta go out and work for the things you want. and really, where's the fun in that? Your carefree life, time for TV is over and you need to sleep by 11 or you're gonna be a grumpus at work tomorrow.

It makes me sad sometimes that everyone doesnt really grow up the way they used to. Things are getting so expensive and harder to work for. I hear stories from my parents and sometimes wish i could experience life in the 70's.. maybe even for a week or so.

I think this jazz music is getting to my brain.

On a better note, i think life is getting better. All i have to do is concentrate on work, focus on the people that want to be around.. I think I'm starting to love myself a little more.

Dear Jesus, thank you for today.

To Better Days

Dear God,

This year so far has been a flurry of ups and downs. Sometimes i wonder actually, if you know what you're doing when it comes to all us fools down here. We ask for so much, dont we? Somehow it never seems enough and for this, i apologize. I have been such a mess and out of sorts on any given day that i probably really confuse you a great deal most days.

I want to explain see, I tend to look at things differently depending on the way i feel in the first two minutes of my day. Or in the middle of the start and end, the people i meet along the way. The things they say.. do..

I'm not very different from everybody else.

I dont have much to offer and the things that i do, most of the time probably never seems worth all the things i ask for. I dont make promises like that I will pray more often, or come to church every single day.

I mean.. really, i cant expect you to come visit me in my home every day if i dont visit yours, innit? So i dont overexpect from you really. Sometimes i just wanna ask for a better day.

Also, i really really wish i could meet you for a teh katai one day. I dont think I'd ask too many questions. Just enough to make you turn blue in the face.. hee.

But really, I apologize for never knowing the right decisions to make, or knowing them but being too scared to follow through. I know sometimes you practically scream instructions in my ear.. I apologize for never knowing when you really REALLY need me to listen.

For this, i know is the reason for every single time i've found myself lying in bed helpess as a lamb.

Love you.

Tessa

Things that made me terribly happy this week

- The weather here at The Halia

- The proposal i managed to witness last night, i stayed a work til 10pm to do just this.

- The woman whom i think truly deserves that sweet man because i thought she was so awesome. She smelt every single thing on her table. Its so wicked that such curiousgeorge people like that still have normal people who love them so much.

- Valentine's Day reservations were almost 100% made by men. not their women.

- The discovery of the song Nothing by The Script. That song makes me laugh and cry at the same time i love it so.

- Losing 2 kg. OH YES I DID.

- Making a Nutella sandwich and cutting it into half for Hetty and I for breakfast this morning. She was so happy.

Thoughts.

She said calm down, you're going to know what to do
Given time and a Bucketload of patience
You'll see it through
And she'll be right there holding onto what you do
She said have heart, the one you want is waiting
Open arms, hand on her watch
Anticipating
She said be a sinner, time is going nowhere
I'll be here to catch you, just reach.

Breathe me in let me find you
Open this mind and do what I do
You're a small world and strangely
I am too.
She said be careful with your mind
Cause it does some curious things
Have the sense to notice your games
Don't you ever own anothers being.


I'm not here to comfort you
And i won't slap you in the face
Sometimes the gods are gonna rain on you
But then they'll put you in your place.
You're an incoming train, headed first to disaster
I'm waiting at the end.

I'll bring my heart on a sleeve
I'm wearing red and you're gonna need this plaster

Work

I've been working so much that these days. I wake up, shower and rush off to work. The journey itself is so exhausting and when i get there, the workload is even more so. I stay late most days and by the time i get home, i'm too knackered to do anything else at all except maybe watch an episode or two of Skins and before i know it, it's tomorrow.

And i'm doing the same thing again.

Working Saturday nights make me feel like i dont have a weekend either..

These days i feel like it's pretty much all i know.

I enjoy doing it but i think it's about time to find an outlet outside of work to focus a little time on as well. I feel like i'm turning 40 already and it's scares the bullocks out of me.

I've been told that i've wasted years doing what i wanted and caring bullocks bout what was good for me so maybe all this is karma for the life i let myself have so far. I just hope this isnt all there is to it. I mean, there are worst things surely. right..right.

I get my music at home, when i find the energy for it.

I get to take breaks at work to write, to look at photos..to take some.

I love this job for that reason.

I've hated jobs before, not because of the job i have to do, but the people i have to answer to. The people who believe that a person has no limits, no say..

I always wanted a place i could go to everyday, knowing what i had to complete before going home. and as long as i got that done, I was free.

I have that here. and it's what helps wake me up in the morning, put on heels that give my flat feet blisters, blueblacks and sores, take that hour and a half journey to work, stay 9 hours and come home again.

Anywhere But Here

Outlet

Image Heavy Post - Food Porn

updated. (:

I think cupcakes are pretty much my favourite pretty food. They just look good...all the time.

hee.