a good man.
Humble, kind.
He never took a packet from the lady on the street selling. He gave her ten dollars and a smile. 

He was half a man.
Nearly dead. Starvation.  left for dead on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. 
Jack noticed leaves, dying beneath him. The sun that burned into his flesh. Nearly dead. 
His energy gave out long ago. His legs stopped working, like out of the blue a disciple of the devil swiped him from where he stood. 
Half a man.
He remembered running tall, screaming loud, love. 
All he needed was a sip, a bite. 
He needed to live, even though there was not much left to live for anymore. 

Along walked a hiker, mean and proud. He stole from the rich, and laughed to himself. He will never be poor, he was too smart. 
Making sure he was invincible, he went at it alone. 
He got by just fine, until the dirt road. 

All it took was a misplaced branch,
It sent him spiraling down
He then hit his face with a rock.
It took Johnny ten minutes to be found.
Jack wept as he crawled, he heard misfortune near. 
He couldn't stop the thing that happened, 
But all at once, evil he did not fear.

He took a drink of johnny's blood, bit off a chunk of johnnys arm.
All he needed was a sip, a bite. 
He fed off his evil until he found the strength to live, walk, run, scream, love.

One had to die so another would live.
 
A sordid tale of good men doing bad things. 
We are all selfish, and greed will get us all. 

Inspiration Wednesday

Have a lovely Wednesday everyone.

This time has been the longest test. I try to remember your laughter.. and sound is fuzzy. The images that once captivated my entire being have transformed themselves into blurry pictorials of a time we both knew would burn out eventually, deep deep down. Natural progression tells you to learn from your mistakes. A fire must always be put out. It will grow, spread, be wild and selfish. It will ruin everything. All I remember are your words now. The ones that held me there, paralyzed..the ones that stung. Ive said i wish you dung beetles in your soup, a broken heart every Tuesday for a couple of years. but the anger has faded into an oblivion..theyre just grainy fog-covered emotions, most I can't describe. 
You were gone before life even began for me. The real life.
Before I ever had a chance to be me. The me that I will be for the rest of the journey. 
By my calculations, I'm running out of time again. And that's a whole other story. 
I think I fell in love with love before I even fully knew what it was? I think I still don't really know. 
I think everyone has different love. 

Lookie! Wristlets!

I think i'm in love. and need.

of one of these babies...

Dear Photograph

oh, if you're free as a bird, saunter on over to Dear Photograph and check it.

It allows you to merge your old photographs of your favourite places with the present. It is very awesome.

Lend me your ears

There's a playlist of songs i want to share with you.

Theyre a pretty random bunch of songs i listen to on a daily basis...these days..

These songs will make you do a little jig in your office chairs. let it happen. you will feel better. trust me. just dont get carried away.. please.

Kicking your shoes off at your colleagues, rolling from room to room singing in your swivel chair, hair wild and fist pumping is not okay.

Thursday - Asobi Seksu

Familiar Light - Asobi Seksu

Love Will Keep Us Together - Captain & Tennille

Andrew Bird - Simple X

Band Of Horses - No One's Gonna Love You

ELO - Mr Blue Sky

The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize

Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - Melt Your Heart

She & Him - Sentimental Heart

Bjork - All is Full Of Love

Camera Obscura - The Last Song

Bulletproof - Rilo Kiley

Laughing With - Regina Spektor

You're My Best Friend - Queen

Good Times Gonna Come - Aqualung

Set Fire to The Rain - Adele

All The World (I Tell Myself) - Correatown

Further - Correatown

Fly - Nicki Minaj feat. Rihanna

Turn Around - Bruno Mars

You know that part of Beyonce's - Run The World song? the part everyone really likes? cause lets face it, the song sucks. There's that little bitty part?

no, you dont but you will when you listen to

Major Lazer feat Vybz Kartel - Pon De Floor (R!M!E remix)

listen & love like i have.

xo.

Letters to me.

Dear past me,

There are so many things you are going to experience. Things you never in any bleeding universe would think you were capable of doing, you will do. You will experience love in forms you never thought existed, you will laugh until you think you are going to die. Life will throw you unimaginable curveballs and you are going to fall. and oh boy, will you fall. flat on your face. like youve never fallen before. like you probably will again.

You may not realize it, but you are far stronger than you think you are, or anyone really thinks you are.

You will fall in love with two boys who will shape the rest of the boys in your life. They will mould you and also create a mould for every romance you will have from then on.

One will love you with all of his heart. He will do everything you ask, and i mean everything. He will bend over backwards to make sure you are safe, happy. He is faithful. He doesnt lie, steal, or cheat. He will wait for you, he is so patient with you. He wont let go until you do.

You will.

The next, you will love with a burning passion. You will love him so strongly that he in turn, will try too hard to love you the same way. This will ruin everything.

You will love him so much that you think, this is the end for you. You will allow yourself to imagine marrying this man. Living with him and being happy forever. This is not Cinderella, wake up.

You wont.

You are going to let him treat you like you owe him a living.

You will let it continue because you love him too much to even give up when all it does will hurt you.

You will spend too many nights crying over something that was lost a long time ago, something you could never have saved. something you didnt mean to lose ever.

You will blame yourself. for being cheated on. for not being able to keep him happy and in love. with you. You will let yourself try to make it better. Too many times than needed.

He will hurt you. He will shame you. He will not respect you. He will not be faithful to you.

But you will love him, oh my god will you love him.

like, if there was love book there would be a photo of you there, smiling like an idiot. he'll be there too, frowning and showing a peace sign on the top of your head.

By no fault of his own, he will not take your love half as seriously as you do.

It will end. for real, many times.

and then it really will.

There are so many things i wish i could tell you that will prepare you in any way for the things to come. You are going to be so happy, and so.. not. they'll come out of nowhere. and they'll come straight for you.

think of the meaning of this cliche cause it is all you will rely on to get up and run again.

This Too Shall Pass.

future you.

This week in love.

This week has only just started. but i'm feeling the love already.

I figure, tell yourself you wanna have an amazingly awesome week and it has more probability of actually happening.

I dont want to worry.

I've been acting like a professional worrier.

Like i get paid to worry or something. That makes me worry. I wanted to share some things that are making me really happy today, and hopefully they'll keep doing that for the rest of the week.

-i love coming in to work when no one's here yet. i sometimes walk around without my shoes on and dance to my music. or sing real loud. i did all that today. and it was lovely.

-i like it that there are days that i really dont have much to do here, cause i spent the day before running around like a crazy person. i cant manage my time, see.

So i come in, look in my in-tray and realise i have nothing to do. i love that.

i spend that time reading blogs and finding pretty pictures.

-I love the people i work with, i love how close we've gotten and how unshy we are around each other. it makes worktime so much more awesome. People dont appreciate that sometimes.

-I like my new workpants im wearing for the first time today. They are comfy and kickass and make me look taller.

-The air con is turned on in the Wine Bar today, which alone makes this day better than most days!

My days are filled with nothing much except work these days, but im trying to look for the goodness in it.

Happy Monday all.

xo.

Here's to a good week, minimal spazz-outs and no more bloody worrying.

clothcandy

okay so, it's been such a loooong time since i've shown you guys an amazing collection of clothes that quite honestly make me want to bleed money. or cry.

or jump from a building.

you get the idea. enjoy.

all images from http://honestlywtf.com/

I'm back

I really havent been updating as much as i should..

my heart has sadly taken a heavy fall and has been recuperating itself these last few months.

we (my heart and i) are nearly okay now and that is a phew.

for awhile there it was getting pretty gross! late nights and snotty tears and heartfelt-then-turn-to-panicky-then-turn-to-absolutely-NUTS phonecalls that still ring in my ears..

scary stuff i tell you..

These things have a way of creeping up on you. be it three months or three years.. heartbreak was inevitable and i suppose i am happy for the things i've learnt and the choices i made to make me grow up that little bit more.

If you see the stark contrast in my posts from then to now,

it is, obviously because i am absolutely stark raving mad.

as you will notice.

So! awesomeness doodles. Let's begin again.

Tessa.

I will show you pretty things, and recommend you to pretty places (blogs)

and show you pictures that are not mine, but are very awesome.

ask me and i'll tell you where.

boys, baking, food

Hello!

i know i dont exactly have a very fantastic array of past cooking experience.

me? cooking? PFFT you say.

boys love a girl that cooks..or bakes.

I like dessert so im going to go with.. bakes.

on the most part, the male parts i date dont really enjoy sweet things.. but c'mon now sailor,

here in my very burnt and callused hands, i hold a pretty tray of very awesomely awesome baked goods all decorated with slighty mishaped hearts and such.

Hey...obviously.. i kinda like you.. So i baked you cookies...or brownies..whatever you think is in there.

Ask me out.. to my face. like a gentleman.

soon..

Now i have not actually used this tactic.. to seduce me a boy.. (the furthest ive gone is make a nutella sandwich and kinda cut out his initials in them? it was fail btw. 5 minute job. i kid you not.

he pretended to be (bless) but alas i am sure he was not impressed.)

but i have a strange feeling in the pit of my belly..that it just might,

I mean.. i figure boys.. just like women have this. primal need to be with someone that cooks...in our very awkward and nonsensical minds, we ridiculously feel like if you cook, you can take care of us.

(we are soooo weird innit?)

DONT LIE YOU FEEL THIS WAY TOO.

i mean, seriously. you dont really see anything spectacular about this boy that tells you he likes you. alot. you feel bad enough. really, the poor dude.

lo and behold samson.

he's brought you cookies. with light pink frosting

and little hearts.

he is now Braveheart.

no biggie.

there's nothing wrong with this boy now. unless he's a jerk..

then there's everything wrong with this boy..

Chocolate chip cookies though...

baby jesus almighty lord.

he wont know what hit him.

All of this of course of course, is provided you are not dating a little master-chef minx, like of course, i am. Obviously i'd make him cookies and milk rice puddings and cupcakes and other delicious treats. I just cant.. he'd laugh.. and make faces and throw my dessert-fail dessert on the floor. and run out the room laughing and pointing.

no..im kidding.

he will laugh though.

for the lucky ones. salutations!