We'll see things they'll never see

Well now,

Our eyes will dry and our smiles gone missing,

will come home soon.

Our burden will fall away,

our laugh will again come out to play.

There are worst things surely,

then a very hollow sounding ache in the heart.

There is you, and the emptiness only means

You are alive.

Have heart, love. Tomorrow gets better,

and only more in due time.

I wrote this for a friend who truly needed to hear it today.

I think i believe it too, even if sometimes i really dont.

I'm reading a book right now. Its truly amazing and it's inspired me so much this week. It's called Short Stories On Love & Death. A whole experienced story cut down to the bare minimum. 55 words to sum up a memory treasured, feelings explored and loss. Its just the kind of book that i needed to read this week. I've been sick like i havnt in a long, long time and it's made me realize the important things that i've forgotten.

I need winding down tonight.. so i'm going to play the guitar. the rusty old thing i've neglected for far too long. Personally, I'm really trying my hardest to forget the misery that's unfolded in my life recently. Love loss will never be something i enjoy... anyone enjoys, really.

But we walk through pain and we walk through sorrow cause tomorrow is really going to come, whether we want it to or not. Best make use of any feeling i can feel. I believe one day i'm gonna meet someone, own love and be loved, and for the rest of my life, not know ever again love loss. It's a reach but we try, in all ways we can.

We believe it, even if sometimes we really dont.

Places

Dear rain, please stop raining down so much.

Le Miserable.

Dear god,
I've been trying my hardest to make sense of situations. Smiling as i'm poked and prodded. Wishing for a better life while ignoring the fact that there are worst things that could happen. I believed and trusted so much that things could change in time, but now i'm starting to think i have to make things change myself. I'm so terrified of that. I'm so terrified of change, like i've always been and i'm so scared I wont be comfortable with whatever ending turns out to be the right one. I think too much about mistakes made and having to pay for them forever..yet i still choose wrong. all the time.
Why do i keep returning to something i myself cant stand anymore?
And why do i feel like i cant live without the things that are so so bad for me?

I want so much to have the strength to fight. I'm so exhausted. I truly dont like being lied to. I wish i never know when he's lying. I wish it were never obvious. Or i wish i didnt know him as well as i do.
Waiting for the ball to drop is killing me. Work is killing me.
I feel like im going through this life not knowing a damn thing i'm doing. Just doing my time and letting it kind of take me where it wants.
If love is a choice we make, why is it that we stay when we know it's too far gone?

I'm sorry i pile on wishes and prayers all the time. I know it must suck to hear the spoilt brat crying over mini things like this all the time.I've been chasing happy and i'd really like to find it. I'm also afraid that i already have but have been too scared to embrace it or accept that my old and comfortable life will die forever if i choose to follow that path.

I love you and its Ash Wednesday so i'm gonna go to your house after work. Im gonna close my eyes real tight and really talk to you this time..it's been awhile.

Oh Samson take me away..

There are worse things surely
Then this nagging feeling
Constant confusion
Feels like hell will freeze over
Before a decision is made.
Natural consent is given when a heart is
I'm still wearing my heart on my sleeve
How far can YOU go without a change of clothes?

I sing songs that i can't finish
But there are worse things, right?
I don't see your face or feel the life
You used to have
It took a slow seven months
To hear the change in your voice
Uncertainty coming up for breath
In deep deep water
I've gotten by semi alone
Semi alive
There are worse things, surely.

We are selfish beings
We're terrified of the pain
We are all so low
And a smile between salty tears
Tells you to move on and tells you
This too shall pass.
Will you get up and carry on because
Love is only a feeling
A weight you carry around
Only for a moment

Semi alive
Semi in love
Semi afraid
Semi exhausted
Semi happy

I've let my brain allow itself to slowly dissole into these phrases and questions i know myself will never be answered.
But there are worse things, I'm sure.

Things that make me Terribly happy - Places

Things that make me Terribly happy - Doggies