Grown Ups.

I grew up a tomboy.

A real WWE shirt wearing, bandana wearing, my brothers Junko jeans wearing tomboy. So bad that instead of Tess, they called me Tom for fun. secretly sometimes i liked it! why? i suppose it made me feel like i rocked at looking like a boy. It was no secret, i was born the wrong gender. I had two elder brothers and it just made more sense for me to have been born just like them. They got to stay up late and play soccer in the house..and have their own room.. and have triathlons and baseball in the park. They had a big huge group of friends and they'd all get together to play football. I remember wishing i knew how to play (or that i didn't secretly want to vomit every time they ran out of players and stuck me in the goalpost)

I remember cutting my hair almost to the scalp.. twice! I never became a lesbian. I just wanted to be a boy. It was very simple.

I had an uncle. The fun uncle. Everyone has one of those, no? He used to take us to the zoo, my cousins and I. The zoo, the birdpark, everywhere that was outdoors and cool, he'd take us. There was a fishing trip in Malacca. and I had been looking forward to it for months..and i remember the day my parents told me i couldnt go because i was a girl and too young and there would be no one free enough to keep their eye on me the entire time. I remember being absolutely heartbroken. I truly hated being a girl. in an obvious boys-get-to-go-to-malacca kind of way. I stayed home and i was so angry.

I've come a long way since then.. I grew my hair out and i liked a boy and i started wearing my own clothes.. It started becoming not so horrible and a little nice.

I keep alot of traits from then, nonetheless. I hate my breasts, I've always wished for the really tiny ones that cant really be seen.. I still watch wrestling, every week. I still walk like a boy and sometimes, talk like a boy.

I learnt to grow into the person that i am now, i learnt to love make up and doing my hair and dressing nice. I learnt to accept the fact that sometimes, boys are going to one-up me in certain ways,

i learnt we do it to them every day (:

I learnt that it takes alot of work and alot of strength accepting the things that have been handed to you. and all those years of trying to be someone I wasnt? and rebelling nature and God? It all only landed me right here, the girly cry-at-every-movie-i-watch person i am today. I think I've got a handful of people who love me for that.

It's so hard understanding that not everything is fair and right, and good people dont always win and I'm still working on that, but I still believe with all my heart that it's true.

xo.